Tara Lynn for Elle 2013 Summer Lookbook
I opened an OK Cupid account 6 weeks ago per my therapy timeline. I met someone who was for once a beautiful human being. He called me by my name and whispered in my ear. He held my hand and kept me on the inside of the sidewalk. He opened my car door. He made sure I would always be in bed by 10. He didn’t try to sleep with me, he didn’t even bring it up. But when we finally did sleep together, he was so sweet. He didn’t judge me as I told him about my past.
Only I would always be second to his career. Patiently waiting for the job to free him for the night, for the weekend. The job won. How could it not? After him everyone else was the past repeating itself. No matter how well written my profile, how devoid of sex, they still find me. The users, the kinky one night stand seekers and the I am too busy I need a FWB. It’s in my eyes, they tell me. My eyes call to them, whispering promises of seduction and sensuality.
I turned my account off last night. I leave for Austin in 3 days. One of my friends submitted my resume for an art director position at a huge agency in Seattle. I am at various stages of interviewing at multiple companies across the city as well.
I suspect it is still not yet time for love. Perhaps the universe is guiding me.
” Let go or be dragged.” Zen proverb
I miss someone I just met.
I miss someone I just left.
I miss someone who lives 8069 miles away.
I miss kickboxing and I want to cry. I don’t miss anything when I kickbox. Robaxin set me free.
When he was getting dressed I noticed his sunburn. I had to ask twice where it came from. A tanning bed? Why does a grown ass IRISH man need a tanning bed? He’s put me through hell but the only thing that has ever truly grossed me out is that. Tanning bed. Eww. Give it up, you’re white as shit. And much hotter that way.
Now, get out my house.
Even though I am behind on everything (work, dating, sleep, housecleaning) I am spending this day outside, with my sister, in a park. Into the backpack go two sandwiches, veggies, juice, water, dessert, sunscreen, a blanket and a camera. I must learn I do not live to work, I work to live.
Cuz:What time are you flyin in on the 23rd
Me:I will be in at 5:24pm
Cuz:And have a drink in yer hand immediately following